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Old 01-19-2011, 02:11 PM   #1
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Default St Francis explaining grass

This was sent to me by an old Army colleague:

A conversation between God and St. Francis. Itís pretty funny because itís true. GOD:

Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is

going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,

violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect

no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,

withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the

long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of

songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all

I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS:

It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They

started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill

them and replace them with grass.

GOD:

Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract

butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive

to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass

growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:

Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.

They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other

plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:

The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.

That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:

Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut

it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:

They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:

Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:

They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:

No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:

Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.

And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:

Yes, Sir.

GOD:

These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on

the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves

them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:

You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing

so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they

can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:

What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer

stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the

spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they

fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the

soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:

You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.

As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to

have them hauled away.

GOD:

No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter

to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:

After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which

they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:

And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:

They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:

Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,

you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:

'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:

Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:20 PM   #2
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Great! Thanks for sharing.

Sometimes people need a different perspective on things...how do we get the word out? This should be spread around the 'net.
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:46 PM   #3
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I have seen this several times. Most people who are into their lawns stop reading about half way through...
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:51 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bridget1964 View Post
I have seen this several times. Most people who are into their lawns stop reading about half way through...
Denial can be a powerful thing...or is it something other than denial?
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:26 PM   #5
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So funny, so sad...........
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:35 PM   #6
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Sadly the Situation is getting worse,,If you go to most Commercial Web-Sites that have Scott's/Vigero ads give the weed killer high chemical route. I've been using Milorganite or Organics all along,, I know with the non-native cool season grasses this is the lesser of 2 evils. Six bags of Milorganite costs the same as 2 bags of weed and feed. I know Milorganite is made from sewage and where I have grass nobody would ever plant veggies and it's slow release. In the fall I collect curb-side leaves in nice bio-grade able kraft bags[last November I collected 45 bags] ,, Then just run my mulching mower over the piles after I pull out the spent annuals, green tomatoes, and the few twigs. It just goes right down into the grass and the soil by spring is like walking on a sponge. Yes I have a sprinkler system[11 zones] which covers my watering needs. It was glacier clay when I moved in[probably the sub-soil from the excavation of I-94] and I bet you could turn it on a potters wheel. The first coneflower's I planted just barely put on any growth,, My theory was that they couldn't root through the clay which would dry out so much in the summer it would have cracks/crevices. So I planted Sunflowers and Cosmos,,About the only things that would grow. After a few years of composting everything possible I was able to grow Mountain Ash, Locust, Green Ash[which I lost to EAB] and Hawthorne. My next challenge is Holly, Milkweed, Mondara, Viburnum and Wild Bergamot/Bee Balm.
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Old 01-20-2011, 08:01 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sprucetree View Post
My next challenge is Holly, Milkweed, Mondara, Viburnum and Wild Bergamot/Bee Balm.
Two thumbs up for taking on the challenge of restoring your property.
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Old 01-20-2011, 08:05 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by benj1 View Post
Two thumbs up for taking on the challenge of restoring your property.
Ditto!

Plant LOTS of milkweed! The monarchs will thank you profusely. So will I!
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Old 01-21-2011, 02:49 AM   #9
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Thanks Benji and Bridgett1964,, I'm flipping through the Prairie Moon catalog that I received last week. I'll get my order in soon and I've collected pods from a field near-by,,The milkweed seeds are in moist sand in the frig. I always start lots of plants from seed,,Nothing fancy just four foot shop lights. Then after I plant out my little area [Which seems to keep expanding] I plant the extras in the community gardens in Detroit. They have Bee-Hives and sell Honey so when I show up with Coneflower's, Black Eyed Susan's, and Columbine their ecstatic as their budget doesn't stretch far enough for flowers or herbs.
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Old 01-21-2011, 03:18 AM   #10
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I also direct sow dill and sunflowers. If I can swing it I'm going to buy a vacant lot in the area just for Experimentation,,I'm just a little leery as I've seen vacant lots turned into dumps by illegal dumpers. But on the bright side Detroit has been on top of this problem. I'd like to try Sun chokes and some beaked corylus along with a few black walnuts. But the reason I started this second reply was because I wanted to mention St. Patrick and St.Joseph,, Both these saints birthdays are celebrated in the middle of lent,,The Irish Catholic celebrate St. Patrick and Roman Catholic celebrate St.Joseph[their 2 days apart],, Well when I was growing up my Italian Grandmother would always start her seedlings in the window on St. Josephs day. Which now that I'm doing my own starting works well as the plants don't get to spindly before being put out. But being in Michigan Mother Nature gets the last laugh.
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