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Old 01-19-2011, 02:11 PM   #1
suunto
The Bug Whisperer
 
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Monroe County, WV, USA
Default St Francis explaining grass

This was sent to me by an old Army colleague:

A conversation between God and St. Francis. Itís pretty funny because itís true. GOD:

Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is

going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,

violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect

no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,

withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the

long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of

songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all

I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS:

It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They

started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill

them and replace them with grass.

GOD:

Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract

butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive

to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass

growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:

Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.

They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other

plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:

The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.

That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:

Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut

it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:

They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:

Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:

They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:

No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:

Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.

And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:

Yes, Sir.

GOD:

These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on

the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves

them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:

You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing

so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they

can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:

What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer

stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the

spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they

fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the

soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:

You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.

As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to

have them hauled away.

GOD:

No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter

to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:

After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which

they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:

And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:

They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:

Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,

you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:

'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:

Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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